The Art of Effective Feedback
Posted on June 8, 2007 in the Foundation, In Class, ICA category
On Tuesday’s call, Karen Cappello guided us through the key points of Effective Feedback. Karen is very good at getting people to share their experiences and join the discussion. I mean, I almost joined in at one point, which would be a first. Well, it will happen soon enough, I’m just not ready yet.
I was pleased when Karen straightened out a flaw in the course material that has bugged me ever since I read it for the first time last November. There’s an example of supposedly effective feedback that goes like this:
Coach: “I have noticed that you are not returning your coaching forms. Furthermore, you are calling in late and you lack commitment to taking action. It is my observation that this is not a good time for you to be coached.”
In my ears, both ‘you lack commitment’ and ‘this is not a good time for you to be coached’ sound like opinions and, what’s worse, even judgmental ones.
Anyway. The line between effective and ineffective feedback can be a fine one and yet so easy to stumble on. I feel this occasionally in my own personal relationships. What our loved ones think of us really matters, and sometimes even the most objective feedback may hurt.
I believe the reason for this is that whatever people tell us (about us), it will always be sent through an ‘interperative filter’ in our mind, and what we ultimately hear is deeply affected by our own self-image. And somehow this filter is more effective when used on feedback from people that are important to us.
Obviously, some people’s filters are less restrictive than others… Even though I might coach friends and family on some issues, this is not one of them. And I should probably be looking at my own limiting beliefs first anyway. 
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